Forget My Name
by RachelT4
Summary: Bella's life is torn apart and she moves to Forks to forget her old life. Little different than the book, it's just Edward in this one, no siblings.
1. Chapter 1

"_No! No! Please don't do this!" I was trapped, helpless. I could feel his hot breath on my neck, and heard his quiet laughter. I was his. There was nothing I could do about it. I could never get away. What was even worse, the louder I screamed, the quieter my voice seemed. I felt as though I had to be screaming at the top of my lungs but nothing was coming out. "Please just let me die," I thought pitifully to myself. I didn't know how much longer I could take this. All of a sudden he opened his mouth, I waited to hear what he could possibly have to say._

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!

My alarm was going off. I opened my eyes in relief and realized I was covered in sweat. Everything was fine. I was in Forks, in the home I had lived in for such a short time, and had now come to stay. I shook off the dream and turned off my alarm. Today would be my first day at a new school. All I wanted was to blend in and go unnoticed. That was all I could ask of the world.

I showered quickly and put on a pair of jeans and a plain t-shirt and sweatshirt. I just prayed this would help me blend into the crowd. I don't think I could handle attention right now. I slowly gathered my things and made my way out to my truck. I climbed in and sighed, laying my head on the steering wheel, "Ok. You can do this Bella. Come on." I felt pitiful having to tell myself it was going to be ok. I felt weak. Determined to be stronger, I sat up rigidly, and started the drive to school. It was raining, but this was to be expected. After all, Forks was the absence of light. I had to learn to accept that the rain would be there every day. I pulled up to the school and quickly shut off my truck; the engine was loud, no need to draw attention to. I noted that many of the cars in the parking lot didn't look much better than mine, that was good. It wouldn't stick out.

I reached into my bag and pulled out my class schedule, and a map of the school. I studied them both meticulously so I wouldn't have to pull them out again. I walked with my head down, towards my first class and took a seat in the back. The bell rang for class to start, and I noticed to my dismay, half the class must have been turned around looking at me. I could feel my cheeks turning red, "_My god, they all know," _I thought in a panic. Then I realized that was impossible and relaxed ever so slightly. All of a sudden, to my horror, the teacher was calling out my name, "Bella? Bella Swan?" I looked up and he was staring at me. I realized in a town this small he would obviously know who I was. That must be the reason all the students were staring at me. I was new. An anomaly. No one willingly moved to Forks. My arrival must have made people talk. I realized the teacher was asking me to get up and introduce myself to the class. I slowly stood and walked to the front of the class, debating running out the door, but I realized that would only create more mystery, causing people to ask even more questions. I stumbled at the front, and mumbled out my name, and that I had just moved from Arizona. I shut my mouth after that and quickly made my way back to my seat. The teacher and students looked surprised. I guess they had thought I would have more to say. Tough luck guys. The rest of the day passed in a blur. Many students tried to throw me a life line by speaking to me, or making a joke. Whenever this happened, I just ignored the culprit, praying they would just let me be. They soon gave up and went back to talking to other, more willing participants. I wasn't here to make friends. I was here to finish school and move somewhere far away from the west coast and never come back. Lunch finally came and I was grateful. I could go sit somewhere quietly by myself. I reached the cafeteria and grabbed only a water. I scanned the cafeteria and saw several people with friendly expressions, as though inviting me to sit with them. I ignored them all in favor of an empty table in the back of the cafeteria. I quickly put my headphones in and pulled out a book, Jane Austin. I loved the classics. It seemed I could always lose myself in them. All of a sudden several heavy books were dropped on the table in front of me. I jumped and felt my whole face go white. I looked up to see an angry face scowling at me. I slowly pulled my headphones out, it was obvious he had already said something to me.

"You're in my seat," he said angrily.

"Oh. I'm. . .sorry. Is it ok if I sit here?" I said all this in a very small voice. I was terrified and didn't want to antagonize him any further. He seemed to study me in a calculating way, before finally shrugging and sitting down across from me. I wasn't sure whether or not he would say anything, but I turned off my ipod and put my headphones away just in case. I continued to read my book but I was distracted; I could feel his eyes glaring at me. I was still afraid. I wasn't sure what to make of this angry stranger, or why he was so upset with me. I finally looked up to see if he was still looking at me. He had only a salad and was staring at me while chewing it thoughtfully. He seemed less upset than before, but by no means happy. I felt my cheeks turn red and quickly turned back to my book.

"What's your name?" He finally asked.

"Bella."

"I'm Edward."

"It's nice to meet you," I mumbled quietly and looked back down to my book. I hadn't made an effort to talk to anyone in so long I had forgotten how. I didn't know what else to say. I couldn't think of a socially acceptable question to ask, and I was nervous enough just introducing myself. I could feel his frustration radiating off of him. Perhaps he wasn't used to people being so rude. After what seemed only minutes of peace, the bell rang and he quickly gathered his things to leave. I panicked, for some reason, I couldn't stand him leaving thinking I was rude, "Bye," I called out quietly.

He stopped in his tracks, and turned slowly around. I forced myself to meet his gaze, and to not be the first to look away. He didn't look angry anymore, just curious, and maybe frustrated still, "Bye," he managed before he turned and walked quickly away. I sighed. I felt drained. I wasn't used to being around people who expected me to speak and acknowledge their presence. I hadn't felt bad about being ignoring anyone, why did I feel bad for not saying more to him? I didn't know.


	2. Chapter 2

The school week went by faster than I thought possible. Everyone finally got the hint that I wanted to be left alone and stopped trying to bring me out of my shell. I managed to sit by myself in all of my classes, and felt at least partially at peace. Until Thursday.

I was sitting in biology, staring out the window. All of a sudden a notebook was dropped next to me and I jumped. I looked up to Edward, smirking at me and taking the seat next to me, "Awfully jumpy aren't you?"

"Wh-what are you doing here?"

Edward looked at me as though I had 3 heads, "This is my biology class too."

"You weren't here all week."

"I know. I don't come very often," He looked at me expectantly, obviously waiting for more questions but I turned to look at the board instead. Again, I felt his obvious frustration at my lack of social skills, but all I really wanted was to be left alone. I was damaged. I didn't want to be around anyone. All of a sudden I was aware the teacher was speaking to me, "Ms. Swan?"

"Yes?"

"Is that ok?"

". . .is what ok?" I felt myself turning red as several students snickered.

"Is it alright if you work on the project with Mr. Cullen?"

"Oh. Yes. Project. Right. Yeah that's fine." I looked over at Edward who was studying me, and felt myself turning even redder, "Maybe you can tell me what the project is about."

He smirked at me, "Fine. Do you want to start working on it tonight? I was thinking you could come over around dinner and we could get started."

I felt my heart speed up and could feel my palms start to sweat. _"Calm down, there's nothing wrong with Edward. He probably doesn't want to work on this together any more than you do,"_ I thought to myself. "Yeah sure."

"Alright," he wrote his address on a piece of paper and passed it to me.

Class was out and I got up to leave. I skipped gym altogether. I was too much of a wreck to go. I berated myself for being so nervous about going over to his house. I had no reason to be afraid of him, he had given no indication of wanting to hurt me. I just hadn't been alone with any man but Charlie since. . .but I wouldn't allow myself to think about it.

All too soon it was time to go over to Edward's. I pulled the address out of my pocket, trying to ignore my shaking hand. I slowly gathered my school supplies and drove over to his house. I tried to go as slowly as possible, but all of a sudden I came to the narrow path, and turned onto the dirt road. I was beginning to wonder if maybe I'd taken a wrong turn when the house came into view. It was huge, and beautiful. Straight out of a fairy tale. I couldn't believe he lived here. I parked out front and shut my truck off, trying to take deep breaths to calm myself. I walked up the porch, my whole body screaming at me to run, but I forced myself to keep going. I knocked gently on the door, and was relieved when a beautiful younger woman answered the door. She gave me a warm smile and I immediately felt better than I had, "Hello, you must be Bella. My name is Esme, I'm Edward's mother."

Mother? He must be adopted. She was far too young looking to have a child in high school, "Yeah, hi it's nice to meet you," I strove to be friendly, even though for the last few years I had avoided it.

She led me into the house and I was awed at how beautiful the inside was as well. She pointed me in the direction of the stairs and said Edward was in his room. I again felt my nerves returning but ignored them. I made my way slowly upstairs, when all of a sudden I heard music. Clair De Lune. It was beautiful and I was curious. I began walking faster. The door was part way open so I pushed it farther and looked in, only to see Edward at the piano. He was making that beautiful music? I was shocked. I watched, entranced. He seemed incredibly sad. I couldn't understand why. If I could make music like that, I didn't think I'd ever be unhappy again. All too soon the song was over, and he looked up, surprised to see me there. I felt myself blushing, "I'm sorry. The door was open and I heard the music. . ."

"It's fine," but he seemed anything but fine. It was like a wall had gone up. I wanted to take it down.

"How long have you-"

"Let's get started on the project."

Without waiting for my response he brushed past me and entered his room. I followed him and was again shocked at the beauty of it. It was so light. There was a large bed, and a wall of music. I wanted to bask in it, but Edward had quickly jumped onto his bed and pulled out his book, all the while explaining the project to me. I froze at the bed. The last thing I wanted was to sit on it. There was a desk, but it was too far from the bed for me to sit on it. It would've been rude. I slowly sat down on the bed, trying to put as much distance as I could without it being awkward. Edward obviously didn't understand because he scooted closer immediately to show some ideas he had for the project. I was tense. I tried to calm down, I didn't want him to think I was a freak. He either didn't notice, or was too polite to say anything. I began to relax, and we both got to work on the project. We worked in silence, until he finally spoke, "So how are you liking Forks?"

"It's alright. A little rainy and cold."

"Yes, I could see that being hard. Why did you move here anyways?"

I froze. I hadn't thought of what I would tell people. I hadn't planned on talking to anyone so I had never considered it, "Uhm. . ."

"I heard there was an accident. . ."

"What?" I felt the blood drain from my face, and a panic attack coming on.

Edward froze and studied my face, obviously realizing he'd made an error, "I just, heard that your mother and step father were in a car accident. . .I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

I immediately felt the color return to my face, of course Charlie would have told people about the car accident. How could he not? "Yes. That's what happened. Sorry."

"No I shouldn't have brought it up. It was rude."

"It's fine. What about you?" I asked, hoping to deflect attention from myself.

"What about me?"

"Well. Esme said she was your mother. . ."

"And?" I felt the wall coming back.

"And she's obviously too young to be your real mother."

"My parents are dead too."

"I'm sorry to hear that," and I was. I found myself feeling pity for him, "How did they die?"

"It was an accident. Like your parents."

I remained silent after that. Contemplating this. I felt there was more to it than just an accident. There definitely was where my parents were concerned. I knew he didn't want to talk about it though so I shut up and continued working on the project. Soon it was dark and we both agreed to call it a night. Edward walked me downstairs, where I met his doctor father, also stunning. The whole family made me feel so plain. I had never met anyone like them. Edward walked me to the door, I stepped out onto the porch and turned to look at him. He had a contemplative look on his face, as though he were debating asking me something. It was gone before I could say anything, and all he said was he'd see me tomorrow. As I drove home, I couldn't help feeling like I was missing something about him. I just couldn't put my finger on it.


	3. Chapter 3

**The weekend went by quickly and all too soon it was Monday. Edward and I still had plenty to work on for our project but it wasn't due for another week so we weren't worried. I began to grow more and more curious about this mysterious boy I had been sentenced to work with. He seemed to have as many secrets as I did, and I found myself wanting to unravel them. It baffled me. I couldn't remember the last time I had cared to know anything about anyone. What was happening to me? I tried to tell myself it was just years of having little to no human contact, and I was thriving off of the interaction. Still, I wouldn't allow myself to get close to anyone else. Edward and I sat together at lunch every day, and that was good enough for me. Until halfway through the week he didn't show up. It was a few minutes after lunch had started before I realized he wasn't coming. I almost had a panic attack but managed to hold it together when I remembered where I was, **_**"Get a grip. This is fucking pathetic. You hardly even know him,"**_** I scolded myself. I felt weak and stupid. A tray was set down next to me, and I looked up hopefully, but it was only a girl from one of my classes, "Hi, I'm Angela. Do you mind if I sit here?"**

"**No."**

"**I saw you sitting over here by yourself and figured I'd come sit with you."**

"**Thanks."**

**All of a sudden another girl came and sat down as well, "Hi! I'm Jessica remember?"**

"**Oh, yeah. Hi."**

"**SO you sit with Edward Cullen every day and I want details."**

"**What?"**

"**Oh come on Bella. You have to have noticed by now that Edward doesn't talk to anybody else?"**

"**I guess."**

**Jessica seemed frustrated with my short answers, "Seriously. What do you guys even talk about?"**

"**School. I don't know a lot of things. Why doesn't he talk to anyone else anyways?"**

"**I don't really know. He moved down from Alaska with his adopted family about a year ago. People tried to talk to him but he just wanted to be left alone."**

"**Do you know why he was adopted?" I jumped on this opportunity while I could.**

"**I'm pretty sure there was some kind of accident, but I don't know. . ." she trailed off awkwardly.**

"**What?"**

"**Well. I don't think it was like a car accident or anything. I mean I guess it could be, but I always got the feeling people were lying about it. Or that there was more to the story."**

**Well. Maybe Jessica wasn't as oblivious as I had previously thought.**

"**Right."**

"**Anyways. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen adopted him and have taken care of him for a while I think."**

"**It's nice of them to take him in. They seem really young to have kids."**

"**Yeah I think Dr. Cullen's only about 27. I don't think Mrs. Cullen can have kids."**

**All too soon Jessica returned to trying to squeeze details out of me. Before she could get too far the bell rang and I was incredibly grateful. I smiled apologetically at them, "Sorry. I have to go to biology. I'll see you guys later!" What had gotten into me? Since when did I bother to even say goodbye to people? This town was definitely messing with my head. I arrived in biology, and to my surprise so did Edward. He came in, slumped down next to me and gave me a crooked half smile. Something was off about him. I couldn't put my finger on it. I looked at his half closed eyes and realization dawned on me: he was stoned. **

"**Heyyy Bella."**

"**Hey. Where were you at lunch?"**

"**Shit I'm sorry. I meant to come get you first but I sort of forgot."**

"**Forgot?""Yeahh I'm pretty out of it right now, I promise I'll make it up to you though! You can come over this weekend, and we'll drink and smoke till we puke."**

"**I uh, don't really do that kind of stuff very much."**

**Edward seemed to become more awake and turned to me, "But, you have smoked. . .right?"**

"**Uh, of course."**

"**OH MY GOD. You haven't?!" He almost yelled this last part and half the class was looking at us.**

"**Shh! Ok so I haven't."**

**He seemed to realize how loud he was being and calmed down, "I can't believe that. Now we're definitely doing this. What do you like to drink?"**

"**I um. I'm not sure."**

"**Jesus tell me you've at least gotten drunk." **

**I didn't say anything and Edward seemed to be even more shocked, "Wow. You don't drink. You don't smoke. What do they do in Arizona? Sit around in the sun all day?"**

"**Something like that."**

"**Well look. I'll get a variety, and we'll figure out what you like to drink ok?"**

**The plan made me apprehensive. I had purposely never gotten myself into a situation where I would need to be alone with any drunk or stoned person. But Edward didn't seem to have bad intentions, and I'm sure Dr. and Mrs. Cullen would be there. It would be fine, "Alright."**

"**Good! Friday, 8 o'clock. Be there."**

**The rest of class passed in a blur and Edward brushed my arm on the way out, "Bye."**

**I felt chills go through my whole body. What was going on with me? I felt as though I had been dropped into an alternate universe. I guess being moved to Forks was close enough. The end of the week flew by, and before I knew it Friday had come. In biology, Edward winked at me and told me not to forget about our plans. I gulped but tried to put on a brave face. I went home after school and began to dig around in my closet, looking for something decent to wear. I finally settled for just putting on a nicer top, and tried to keep myself busy. Soon it was 7:45 and I realized I should be heading to Edward's. I checked myself over once, and walked out to my truck. I was completely nervous. Even after everything that had happened to me in Arizona, I never once turned to drugs and alcohol. Cutting, sure. Who hadn't tried that? But soon I realized the smell of blood made me queasy and I gave that up too. That was when I decided being a lifeless shell was a much better option for me. And it was. It worked so well. Once people realized I wanted to be left alone they avoided me like the plague. Edward was the first friend I had had in years. I was shocked at how much I actually enjoyed it. Normally this much human contact would have me crawling up the walls, but it seemed as though I couldn't get enough of Edward. I pulled up to the beautiful house, and took a deep breath to try and prepare myself. I walked up the porch and before I could turn back quickly rang the doorbell, awaiting my fate. **


	4. Chapter 4

I shifted my weight nervously from foot to foot and waited for the door to be answered. After a moment the door swung open, and there stood Edward. I guess I had assumed Esme or Carlisle would answer the door. I studied his face, and noted the goofy grin on his face: he had already been drinking. I felt a sense of foreboding wash over me and tried to ignore it, "Hi."

"Hey Bella. Come on in."

"Thanks. So. . .did you get an early start?"

He laughed loudly, "I, I mighta made a few drinks. I was. . .trying to figure out what you would like, so I. . .I made a few different things to try some stuff."

He led me into the kitchen and I was shocked at what I saw. There were half empty red plastic cups everywhere. I stared at Edward in amazement, and was graced again with the same, belligerent laugh, "I told you I had a few drinks!"

I couldn't believe Esme and Carlisle would allow this, not in their beautiful kitchen, "So. . .where are your parents?"

Edward studied me skeptically, "Bella. I know you said you don't really do this stuff but. . ."

"But what?"

"I guess I assumed you would have realized by now that they're not here."

I felt a sense of panic and fought to overcome it, "Not- not here?"

"No silly. Do you think Esme would just let me mix all these drinks in her kitchen? They're in Seattle for the weekend. Some convention. They won't be back until Monday. Here, try this one," at this Edward handed me a cup of some kind of brown substance, "You'll like it. It's. . ." Edward concentrated on the cup, "Well I don't really remember what it is but it's pretty good."

Tentatively I took my first sip. The alcohol hit me like a ton of bricks and I coughed. Edward laughed, "Never mind I think that one's mine. Try this one," he then handed me a cup with a more inviting, bubbly red drink. I smiled, pleased with the sweet taste. I hardly detected any alcohol.

Edward smiled in triumph, "See?! I knew we'd find something! Try this one too!" For the next hour, Edward handed me sample after sample of mixed drinks. Sometimes he knew the name, sometimes he didn't. He was too far gone to even remember the alcohol in half of the drinks. I noticed he continued to sample as well, and soon all sense of panic was gone. I was beginning to feel pretty fuzzy, when Edward pulled a plastic bag out of his jacket pocket, "Ok. Let-let's go outside and smoke ok?"

I giggled, "K."

He smiled and stood up rather unsteadily. He almost fell and I found myself laughing. He grinned, and reached his hand out to help me off the couch. I took it unthinkingly and he easily pulled me off the couch. I was standing within an inch of him, slightly confused as to how I had gotten so close to him so fast. I looked up into his face, and neither of us were laughing anymore. He reached out and brushed the hair out of my face. I could feel my heart speeding up and I was assaulted with the memories I had been struggling to forget, "_Come on Bella. Just be a good girl. I don't want to have to tell your mom how bad you were while she was gone," he gently began tugging my shirt up and I began to cry._ I shoved Edward, causing him to stumble backwards. My face turned white as I realized what I had done. I immediately stepped towards him and grabbed his arm, "Oh my god, Edward. I'm so sorry! I didn't-"

"It's ok. Let's go outside." He didn't look upset, just wary. Cautious. Not understanding what had happened. I felt terrible. We'd been having such a good time and I had ruined it. This was why I had struggled so hard to stay away from people. I was damaged. Ruined. No good. I couldn't have any kind of relationship. It was unfair to put anyone through this. All of a sudden I realized we were outside. I looked over at Edward, who seemed to have forgotten about the living room incident. He was smiling, and lighting the joint. I found myself impatient, ready to try it. He took a drag off of it and handed me the joint. I held it warily, unsure exactly what to do. Before I could embarrass myself, Edward stepped towards me, "Alright. Just take a drag off of it, and hold it in your mouth. Then just open your mouth a little bit and swallow it. Ok?" I nodded, wondering if perhaps I had gotten myself in a little deeper than I had intended. Edward watched me, smiling and expectant. I forced all nervousness out of my mind, and I took a deep drag off of it. I could feel a cough coming on, but held it in. Determined not to look like a novice. I swallowed most of the smoke, but ended up coughing some out. Edward smiled approvingly at me, "Good. Very good."

He took the joint from my fingers and took another drag. His smile faded and he seemed to become more serious, "Esme and Carlisle aren't my real parents."

I hadn't expected this, "Yeah that's-" I bit my lip. I didn't want to admit that I had been listening to gossip, "that's what I figured."

He didn't say anything, but I knew he knew I'd been fishing for information from people, "I lived with my real parents for the first 12 years of my life. I had. . .not a happy childhood, but as happy as could be expected I suppose. My mother, she. . .I was closer to her than anyone. She was a stay-at-home mom, so I was always really close to her. She always dropped everything when I got home to ask about my day, and how I was doing," he had a far away look in his eyes, and a smile. I smiled back at him, this was a side I hadn't seen. Soon the smile went out like a candle, "My father on the other hand. Well. I was never close to him," I held my breath, waiting. Not wanting to interrupt him, "He used to beat me and my mother. My mother more often than me. She didn't go anywhere too often. Both her parents were dead, and she had no other family to speak of. She went to the grocery store, and that was about it. He was very controlling and didn't like her to go anywhere without him. This went on for as long as I could remember. I don't think I even understood for a long time that this wasn't normal," He paused, and I reached out to touch his arm. He looked down at me, almost as though he had forgotten I was there. Maybe he did. I didn't say anything. I felt sure he needed to talk about this, and I couldn't think of a thing to say anyways. I kept my hand on his arm, and he reached out and covered my hand with his, "One day I came home from school. My father had come home early from work. I guess my mother had. . .taken the car for a drive the week before. He had checked the mileage and figured out that she hadn't just driven to the store. He was convinced she was cheating on him. I knew better. That wasn't my mother. She was the most loyal person I had ever met. She had morals, she would never do something like that. Especially since she knew he would come after her. She never would've risked that. I walked in on him hitting her. She was unconscious on the floor. I ran towards her, and my father backhanded me. I flew across the room and hit my head on a coffee table. I was knocked out for a few minutes. . .I don't know how long. When I woke up, he was gone. My mother was laying on the floor in a pool of blood. I didn't even go to her. I ran to the phone to call 911. I was hysterical. I don't even know how the operator understood me. The ambulance was there within minutes. But it was already too late. She was gone. I don't really remember what happened after that. They told me it was too late and I remember falling to the floor. I guess they took me to the hospital. They caught my father pretty soon after that, I think only a day or two. He's been in jail ever since. I was shuffled around in foster homes until I was 14. That's when I met Carlisle. He and Esme were looking to adopt a child. I had assumed they would want someone. . .younger. Not many people want a brand new used teenager," he smiled ruefully at me, "Somehow, I was what they wanted. I was more than grateful to be with them, but I've always been really careful. I'm always waiting for it to fall apart," he was finally done, and I realized we were holding hands. I looked down at our intertwined hands, surprised. When had that happened? I found I didn't mind though. Edward looked down as well, and rubbed his thumb on my hand. I waited, unsure if I should say anything. He was quiet for a few moments so I looked up at him, "I'm sorry."

"It's alright."

"No I-I feel bad. And I was listening to all this gossip about you and now I feel even worse."

His face darkened, "Did they-"

"NO! No one knew anything. They- they all thought it was an accident."

"Good."

He tugged me back inside, to the kitchen. He smiled and handed me a half-full cup of god knows what. I downed it in one sip. He laughed and looked at me in surprise, "Are you sure you've never done this before?"

"Positive."

"So. . ."

"So?"

"I uh. Well. Never mind."

"What?"

"I just. I mean. It's none of my business. I just. . ."

"What? Edward what is it?"

He sighed, "I wanted to know why you came to Forks. I know there was some kind of accident. . .but when I brought it up you seemed so. . .I don't know. Upset. Like, maybe there was. . .more."

I looked down at the counter and sighed. I had known this was coming. I debated on how much I should tell him. He reached out and grabbed my hand, squeezing it. Somehow this gave me the courage to begin, "I lived with my mom and her husband most of my life. I would visit Charlie, my dad, during the summer. Everything was good. Charlie and I had never had much in common, so it was ok to be in Arizona. I was so close to my mother, and Phil seemed. . .nice. And he was, for a long time," I paused, not sure how to continue. I looked up and Edward had a look of concern on his face. He waited patiently and I kept talking, "One time. . .my mom. She uh, she was out of town. I don't remember where she went. Maybe somewhere for work. I'm not sure. It was late. I remember I stayed up a lot later than I was supposed to. Phil. . .made popcorn. We stayed up late watching movies and bad tv. I remember thinking how lucky my mom and I were to have him. Charlie never let me stay up late. Ever. We were watching The Wizard of Oz. It was one of my favorite movies. All of a sudden he. . .he pulled me closer to him. He put his arm around me. I didn't- I didn't think it was weird. I don't know. He was like my father, I thought this was how it was supposed to be," I felt Edward's hand tighten on mine, but I ignored it. Now that I had started I found I couldn't stop, "Then I was in his lap all of a sudden. I don't even really remember him pulling me into his lap, I was just there. I started to feel weird. Uncomfortable. But I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say," at this point I began to talk faster, "I knew something was wrong but I was 12. I didn't understand what it was. He- he reached his hand under, under my nightgown," I felt my breath catch but kept going, "That was the first time. It kept going on and on. No one ever knew. I kept praying every night that I would just die in my sleep so that it would be over. I felt disgusting. Dirty. Like, like there was something wrong with me. I knew it was wrong and I couldn't even tell anyone. Then I finally decided I was going to tell my mom. I had made up my mind. It was. . .early this year. I woke up, and knew I was going to tell my mom. I got prepared, I knew what I was going to say. She and Phil were going to- to the store. I was going to tell her when she got back. Only they never came back. They got in a car accident and died on the way there," by this point the tears were running and Edward was pulling me closer, "SHE NEVER EVEN FUCKING KNEW. And it was MY fault. I should've told her and I never did," I was sobbing and Edward held onto me. I hadn't been hugged in years and I sank gratefully into it. I held back my sobs, what was I doing? I shouldn't be doing this. I was just going to wreck his life. He already had enough problems without me. I pulled myself away and looked up into his face. His brow was furrowed and I could read the concern on his face, "Edward I, I have to go."

His face went from concern to confusion, "What? Go? Bella. It's-I mean, you're drunk you can't just leave. You can't drive."

I quickly wiped the tears, "No I uh, I was going to walk. It's fine. Really. I need some air." He reached out for me, but I bolted towards the door. I could feel the tears building back up but kept going. I stepped outside and heard thunder. Of course I should have expected this. I heard Edward calling after me, but his yelling was drowned out by the thunder. I just ran. I got to the end of the Cullen's long driveway, but instead of continuing along the road I crashed through the woods. I guess I had hoped there would be some sort of short cut. I heard the thunder, and felt the branches of hundreds of trees scratching my bare arms, my jacket lay forgotten at Edward's. It began to pour but I kept running. Soon I realized what a terrible idea cutting through the woods was. I was cold, wet, and lost. The forest looked the same. I couldn't tell where I was. I continued to run, not knowing if I was going in a circle, or just getting hopelessly lost. I fell a lot. I was still fairly drunk, and clumsy to begin with. I tripped over a root, and fell hard. Instead of getting up, I curled into a ball, and closed my eyes. I couldn't run anymore. I simply relived the horrible memories; all the times Phil would reach his hand up my shirt when my mother was out of the room, all the times he would come into my room at night and take my clothes off, the first time he made me have sex with him. All of it.


	5. Chapter 5

I had no idea how long I lay there, not moving. Time seemed to hold no meaning. It was raining hard, and I should've been cold, but I didn't feel anything. My body shivered, but it didn't reach me. I felt sure that I must be covered in mud and bracken, but I couldn't stand up. I thought about it a few times, but decided against it. Idly I lay there, wondering what would happen if I just died right here. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad. It might even be better than having to live through the awful truth. I couldn't believe I'd told Edward. I was mortified. What was wrong with me? I should have just kept it to myself. He'd probably tell everyone in town. Next thing you know Jessica would be talking about me instead of Edward. I heard footsteps, and knew I should've been scared. I didn't care. I closed my eyes and willed them to go away. I could hear whoever it was very close to me, and then I heard them kneel down. I kept my eyes shut, trying to keep the rest of the world out still. This was my sanctuary, my peace. How dare anyone interrupt it? I felt a hand brush the hair out of my face and touch my cheek. At this I opened my eyes to the concerned face of Edward. I studied him and noted he was soaking wet. As soon as I looked into his eyes I saw a small measure of relief. He immediately pealed off his jacket and wrapped it around me, before picking me up and carrying me. I wanted to stop him, to tell him he needed the coat more than I did, that I could walk, but I couldn't. I felt terrible, surely I was ruining what was a perfectly good coat. I felt exhausted. Edward's even stride was a gentle rocking motion, and I felt myself drifting off. I wondered if it would be terrible if I fell asleep on him and let him take me wherever he wanted. I snuggled closer to him, and felt his arms wrap around me a little tighter. For once I was grateful for his touch, and not afraid. I felt warm and safe now. I could feel sleep coming at me from all angles and finally gave into it.

I woke up later in a dark room. I panicked, sure that Phil was going to come in any moment. I began to shake and could feel myself coming apart. All of a sudden warm arms went around me and I screamed out loud. I began to struggle, fighting him off as hard as I could. Finally I looked up into Edward's face. The look on his face twisted my heart. He looked tortured. That was the only way I could think to describe it. As though someone had stabbed a knife in his stomach and twisted it around. I immediately stopped fighting and closed my eyes. I could feel myself blushing. No one had ever seen me like this. Terrified. Afraid. So sure that my demon was going to find a way to come after me even from beyond the grave. Edward sat up straighter and pulled me into his chest, rocking me back and forth like I was a small child. He began to hum a song, and I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I could remember this. Having a nightmare as a little girl, my mom or Charlie coming in to comfort me. How simple things were then. I couldn't even have known how complicated my life would get. I cried quietly into Edward's chest and let him comfort me. I missed this. As soon as Phil had started raping me, I had never let my mother or father comfort me in any way. I hadn't allowed anyone to touch me. My mother thought it was just a phase. Maybe in a way she was right. My tears were finally starting to dry, and I pushed back a little to look at Edward. He studied me with sad eyes, and I realized how much I had probably scared him.

"Edward I. . .I'm sorry about tonight."

Shock was written all over his face, "Sorry? For what?"

"Well, I know I probably really scared you. Just dropping all that on you and then running off like that. I'm not usually like that, really."

"Bella. . .it's ok. You don't have anything to apologize for. Honestly, if I had known I would never have. . ."

"It's alright. No one knew."

Edward's brow furrowed, "Your father?"

"Doesn't know."

"What about your friends?"

"I didn't have a lot of friends in Phoenix. I guess I had other things on my mind than being social."

Immediately remorse clouded his features, "Of course. I'm so sorry. I. . .I wish there was something more I could do."

I gently leaned back into him, "Being here is enough."

He wrapped his arms around me, and pulled me back down. I realized we were on a bed, and that I wasn't wearing clothes. My heart started to speed up, and he must have figured out what was going through my mind, "I uh. . .I took your clothes off and washed them for you," he stuttered as quickly as he could, "I'm sorry it's just you were freezing and your clothes were soaked, I couldn't just leave you in them. I swear I wasn't trying to be a perv or anything Bella I wouldn't-"

"It's ok. I get it," and I did. I felt calm and relaxed at once. I knew what Edward had been about to say. He wouldn't do that. He wasn't like Phil. I believed him. Somehow, after not being able to trust anyone I believed him.


	6. Chapter 6

I was unsure how long I lay in the woods. It felt like hours. I just couldn't get up. I could hear my name being called repeatedly but didn't respond. Soon the voice was getting closer. I wondered if anyone would actually be able to find me; it was dark and the rain was coming down harder than ever. All of a sudden I heard underbrush rustling near me. I felt my heart pound and curled into an even smaller ball.

"Jesus Christ Bella," it was Edward. I felt him kneel down next to me and grab my arm, "Hey can you get up? Come on Bella."

I felt myself unconsciously grabbing his hand and allowing him to pull me up. I stumbled slightly and realized I was a lot more drunk than I thought. I looked up into Edward's face and was surprised when it took a minute for it to come into focus. I was definitely more drunk than I thought. He put one hand on each side of my face to force me to look at him, "Look. Are you ok? We can't stay out here. We have to go back to my house ok?"

"But-"

"But nothing. There's no way I'm letting you walk home. That was a bad idea. Besides your dad is going to know that you're drunk."

"Maybe he won't. .." I took a step and stumbled.

Edward chuckled and grabbed my arm, "Yeah you know what? You're right. I bet he won't know. But come on we need to get you back to my house. There's no way you can go home looking like that. And I should clean that up."

I looked down at myself to find my clothes completely soaked and covered in dirt. I realized there was a deep gash in my arm. When did that happen? I finally allowed Edward to steer me and begin walking. I was shocked that he seemed to know where he was going despite the fact that I had felt like we were in the middle of nowhere. Edward laughed and I realized I'd spoken out loud.

"I used to come out into the woods a lot when I first moved here with Carlisle and Esme. It's relaxing you know? Plus, I used to smoke a LOT of pot. It's not something that's easy to do when you're living with two competent parents you know what I mean?"

"Don't you still smoke?"

"Well. . .yeah. But I mean I used to smoke all the time. Now it's more once in a while. The other day at lunch was the first time in a while. And I figured we should tonight because you haven't really done any of this stuff. But it was a pretty bad idea; I'm sorry."

I felt my face turning bright red and quickly began spilling out my drunk thoughts, "No, Edward I'm sorry. I ruined the whole night. You're the first friend I've had since. . .since I can't remember when. I'm not very good at this whole being social thing and I don't always do it right. I feel like an idiot. I shouldn't have gotten so upset-"

Edward stopped me in the middle of the woods and stepped in front of me, "Whoa. Bella. Are you serious? It's completely understandable why you got so upset. I mean Christ that's a serious thing. That's not something you just get over. I'm just sorry that I kept pushing. I shouldn't have asked when we were drinking. THAT was dumb. And look you didn't ruin anything. We're still hanging out ok? I mean. You're the first friend I've ever really had since my mom died. It's not like I don't get where you're coming from."

He studied my face for a moment and I nodded to show him that I understood. He quickly grabbed my hand and continued leading me through the forest. After what seemed like forever we finally stepped into the yard. I was shocked to see that we had gone so far. We walked in and Edward quickly grabbed a nearby cup and took a swig from it, "Ok. I'll grab you some sweats and you can get in the shower ok? There's no way you can stay in those clothes and you're freezing."

I was surprised to realize that I was shivering. Edward led me upstairs and into his room. He grabbed a t-shirt and sweatpants and handed them to me before showing me where the bathroom was, "There's towels in that closet. I'll be downstairs ok?"

I nodded and stepped into the warm, clean bathroom. I turned the water on in the shower and quickly stepped in to let the heat wash over me. Even once I'd stepped into the shower I couldn't stop shivering and stood for a long time. I began to wonder what I had gotten myself into; why had I bothered to explain all this to a complete stranger? I barely knew Edward. It was wrong to put all this on him. I needed to get away from him.


End file.
